i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
