I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I love having hate sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
