I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
