we're blogging at a bar
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
