ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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