Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
