he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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