At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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