Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
