I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
