All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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