Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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