Define "chronic" masturbator.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
