We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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