He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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