you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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