we made out on top of his cat.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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