I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
