I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
