I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It's blow job season.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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