rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
