You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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