bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
