woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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