if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
