I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am one with the molecules
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
