Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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