Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
