You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
