My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
