Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
