Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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