Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
