I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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