My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
