I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
