Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
