He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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