Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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