i permit you to call me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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