Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
