I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
