he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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