It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize