So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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