I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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