I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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