I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
