What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
