I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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