Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Small penises have feelings too.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
