why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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