she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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