But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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