I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
