It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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