We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
