i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
