Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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