no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
