So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
