I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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