somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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