Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
