just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MIDGETS
????
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
