When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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