I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
