I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
