"it" just moved
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love you. Go after that dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
