My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
