I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
