my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
