He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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