im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My liver just broke up with me...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
