Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
