All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
