literally had 100 drinks last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
