i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
