It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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